i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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