His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
