god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
