My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
