i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
