Swine flu. Run for my life!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Watching her eat just hurts me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
