the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
