You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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