I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
