i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
