Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
