I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
