When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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