oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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