Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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