before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
