Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
