You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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