We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
