so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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