I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
