I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
