I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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