I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
