You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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