Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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