allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
