the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
