Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I CAN MOONWALK!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
