it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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