dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i need to put some appletini on your dick
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
