If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He shit in the fireplace
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
