I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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