I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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