You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just cropdusted the office
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
