so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
