Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
