That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
