I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
