In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
