Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
