you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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