4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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