God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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