I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
