Whod you bang
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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