Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
