I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
