I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
