so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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