Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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