I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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