Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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