Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
