It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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