Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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