I will die if light touches me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
