Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
