Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
do nipples grow back?
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