omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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